Giving difficult feedback is hard for everyone. Doesn't matter if you've been managing for one day or ten years, nobody actually likes this part of the job. The nerves before, the second-guessing, the rehearsing it in the shower, none of that goes away with experience. It just gets more familiar.
What does help is preparation. Writing out your talking points, your specific examples, your actual data points before you walk in, so you're not reaching for them live while also managing your own nerves and someone else's reaction at the same time. Use this as a starting point, not something to read verbatim. Say it in your own words, but keep the order and the directness.
"I need to tell you something directly, and I'd rather say it than have you find out another way."
Signals this is real feedback, not small talk with a sting at the end. Don't open with praise you don't mean as a cushion, they'll hear the "but" coming and stop listening to everything before it. Also works: "I want to talk about something specific, and it's not a light one." Or: "This is a direct conversation, not a casual check-in."
"In [situation], what happened was [specific behavior]. Here's the impact it had."
Situation, Behavior, Impact, in that order. Name where it happened, what you actually saw them do, and what it affected. Not character. Describe what you saw, not who you think they are. "You're not a team player" is a verdict about them. "In yesterday's standup, you cut off two people mid-sentence, and afterward one of them told me they've stopped bringing up blockers in that meeting" is a fact they can't argue with, because it isn't an opinion, it's what happened. If you can't fill in Situation, Behavior, and Impact with specifics, you're not ready to have the conversation yet. Go find the example first.
"I want to hear your side before we figure out next steps."
Direct doesn't mean one-way. Let them fill in what you don't know, there's often context you're missing, and even when there isn't, being heard changes how the rest of the conversation lands. Then actually stop talking. Count to five in your head if you have to. The silence feels long to you and normal to them, and if you fill it, you've taken the room back before you gave it.
If they get defensive: don't retreat from the point, get curious about the gap instead. "Help me understand how you saw it" holds the feedback steady while still making space for their side.
If they go quiet: don't rush to fill it with reassurance. "Take a second, I know this isn't easy to hear" gives them room without you walking anything back.
If they push back with a fact you didn't have: take it. "I didn't know that, that changes things" costs you nothing and buys you a lot of credibility for the next hard conversation.
"Here's specifically what I need to see different, starting now."
End on the change you need, not on how the conversation felt. Vague asks produce vague change. "Be more collaborative" is not something they can act on Monday morning. "In our next three standups, let people finish their sentence before you respond" is. Name what happens next, too, even briefly, when you'll check back in, what you'll be watching for. Don't let the conversation end on a feeling. End it on a plan.
The specific example (situation, behavior, impact, written down if it helps). One guess at what they might say back. The one concrete change you're asking for. If you're missing any of the three, the conversation isn't ready yet either.